Piccolo's Surprise, RE-WRITTEN

Piccolo's Surprise, REWRITTEN!

Huge changes are to be expected in the life of our favorite Namek.
Gohan has just had a little brother and Piccolo discovers the infant has very undesireble effects on him. What is going on? After losing a battle, of all people, to Krillin, hell breaks loose when Dende discovers the truth behind Piccolo's current condition.

Stay tuned!

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Gohan had defeated Cell and Goku was gone. All of his friends missed him, including Vegeta, who of course would never say it out loud, but it was obvious enough to see. Though nobody missed him more than Gohan, his son. Goku's wife Chi-Chi was a good second, although by now she had already gotten used to the idea of Goku not being home all the time. Gohan however, had always missed his dad, whenever he had been gone by whatever reason.

Piccolo, who himself had had to grow up without a parent, had a fair idea of what Gohan was experiencing and in despite of being a loner and a bit cynical by nature, he and Gohan were close. It hurt him to see his best friend like that. Although he knew there wasn't much to be done about it, he never stopped feeling quiet compassion toward his little friend. Even among all of his daily activities, the training and the meditating, a moment without him thinking of how Gohan was doing was pretty rare. They met on occasion whenever Chi-Chi would allow Gohan leaving his studies and usually had a sparring session together just for the kicks, or hung out and talked about stuff. Gohan was sort of like a son for Piccolo, although he had never considered it consciously. The bond between the two was unquestionably special in any case.

Today, Gohan had some very special news to deliver.

"Hey, Piccolo!" He greeted the green Namekian, running towards him.
"Hi there, kid," Piccolo said in his baritone voice as he landed on Chi-Chi and Gohan's yard, but a good distance from the front door. He and Gohan's mother were not exactly the best of friends, so to speak. Although her attitude had gotten softer over the years, you could tell she was, among other things, still a bit bitter to him about the time when he had practically kidnapped Gohan for a year to train him, preparing him to fight a common enemy which back then had threatened Piccolo's plans on taking over the world. Well, a lot had happened since then. A spoiled, crying brat had grown to be the savior of the Earth, and found his way in Piccolo's then stone-cold heart, changing his ways for the better for good.

"So, what's up?" He asked the 12-year-old. "You seem to be excited about something."
"I sure am!" Gohan said.

Piccolo couldn't help but smile at the boy's enthusiasm.
"What is it, little guy?" Piccolo asked, as he landed his hand on the boy's head.
"Well, Mom said I shouldn't be telling this to anyone just yet, but I'm gonna be a big brother!"

"What?" Piccolo drew his hand back in surprise. "Is your mother... (he thought a while to find a proper expression) ...Expecting?"
Gohan nodded. "She says she didn't believe it at first either, but when you look at her now you can see her belly has grown bigger."
"Well, you don't say..." Piccolo said, being a little confused.

He no longer heard Gohan's excited babble about how well he would be taking care of his new little sibling upon its arrival, as he was suddenly deep in thought. He wasn't exactly an expert when it came to human reproduction, and the fact that he knew anything at all about it, was thanks to his fusion with Kami. Kami, being the former Guardian of the Earth, was very aware of how these things worked.

"I guess it could be possible..." Piccolo thought. "If she has already started to show, that means Goku was still alive, when..." He blushed a little, being embarrassed by his thoughts and cleared his throat. Gohan was still talking all excited, Piccolo noticed and smirked briefly, as his attention was again driven elsewhere.
"Goku said he wasn't strong enough to beat Cell and he was right... I suppose that knowing there was no way for him to return this time he left his family something to always remember him of... An another child." Piccolo thought. "It all makes sense now." He said quietly and smiled.

"Well, congratulations, kiddo." He said smirking as he placed his hand on a shoulder of the very happy Gohan. Somehow doing so made him feel happy, but oddly uneasy at the same time. He wasn't sure what gave him that feeling, but decided to ignore it and both him and Gohan took off looking forward to a good workout.


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The months flew by and before you knew, little Goten was born. He was an exact replica of his father. He was strong, too - Piccolo sensed it. He had no idea a mere infant could have so much power. Heck, when Gohan had offered him to hold him, the annoying little smiling rascal had grabbed one of his antennae and almost ripped it off, among other little mishaps that had happened (and which Piccolo would gladly just forget about). I didn't take him long to figure it was the best not to be too close to the newborn.

Piccolo had noticed the kid had a strange effect on him. Just seeing him was enough to make him feel all uncomfortable and, at times for his horror, drove him even at verge of actually shedding tears for no real reason, which was completely unheard of for the stoic Namekian warrior. He never cried, and didn't intend now, either. This weird reaction scared the heck out of him.
Needless to say, he was all new to babies and didn't like what he was learning. Or that was his excuse, at least.

"Babies are nothing but trouble." He thought. "And what good are they for, anyway? All they do is eat and poop, and exude some disgusting translucent goo from their mouths and cry until you're deaf. And they smell bad."

That last sentence made him shiver. They indeed smelled so bad he felt like throwing up almost every time he even thought about it. And sometimes he did. He didn't know how the Earthlings could handle them at all. They had to be crazy or something... Not that it was anything new to him.

And look at them. Chi-Chi's life was now all about Goten this and Goten that, and even Gohan was spending basically all of his little free time with his new brother. But Piccolo had other things to worry about, for example how to get rid of his nausea.
"I must be allergic to babies or something." He kept assuring himself. Yeah, that had to be it. There was really no other explanation, was there?

Little did he know this was only the calm before the storm...


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A few weeks went by and the Z-warriors decided to have a get-together at Chi-Chi and Gohan's place after not having really seen one another in such a long time. Everyone was there, Bulma, Vegeta, their little son Trunks, Krillin, his new girlfriend "Number 18", Tien Shinhan , Chiaotzu, Yamcha and even Dende. All of them, except Goku. People were too busy to miss him though, as in too busy in admiring little Goten. Well, excluding Vegeta and Piccolo. Piccolo for obvious reasons, and Vegeta for just being the jerk he is. Krillin especially seemed to be very taken by little Goten and dreamed about having a family of his own with "18" someday. She, however, was indifferent about the subject and seemed like she didn't care much.

Vegeta made pretty clear with his body language that he wasn't enjoying himself, and after some time walked towards Piccolo to ask him a favor.

"Well, Green-Head, meanwhile the others are cooing all over that brat of Kakarott's, why don't you and I do something useful for a change. Let's have a battle."
"What for?" Piccolo asked. "I have no interest in getting myself all bruised up for nothing right now."
"I'm bored and I want some action. And no one else seems to be available right now, now do they?"

Then Vegeta made an evil grin.
"What's the matter, Namek? You afraid?"

Piccolo let out an angry growl, while glaring deadly towards the arrogant Saiyan, but before he had time to say anything, Krillin entered the scene followed by the most of everyone else, including Chi-Chi who was holding Goten.

"Did someone say a battle?" He asked. "I'd love to have a battle with you, Piccolo. Just in remembrance of the good old days. What do you say?"

"I'm in." Piccolo said, and his sudden change of mind seemed to offend Vegeta. But to tell the truth, Piccolo didn't agree on battling Krillin just to have some fun, but because he needed an excuse to get further away from Goten. He didn't want to start feeling sick or emotional again, especially in front of all of his friends.

"Hey, I was here first, or am I too much of a challenge for you, huh?" Vegeta ranted. "Fine then, have your little battle. I've got better things to do than wasting my time on you anyway."
"Same old Vegeta, that's for sure." Krillin said, as he watched the proud Saiyan leaving the scene.

"Alright, let's get this thing over with." Piccolo said, sounding slightly impatient.
"Sure thing. But remember, I'm not gonna go easy on you just because we're friends." Krillin noted over-confidently, which was no doubt resulted by the boost in his self-esteem his new success in love had given him. And perhaps he was also wanting to show off a little, knowing how much stronger "Number 18" was of him.
"I wouldn't have it any other way." Piccolo said, making a slightly amused grin. As if Krillin ever had a real chance against him anyway. "This is going to be far too easy." Piccolo thought smiling.

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The battle began, and what a fierce battle it was, as usual. At first Piccolo seemed to have the upper hand, as expected, but after some time he started to seem a bit distracted by something. He was suddenly feeling a little lightheaded.

"What's wrong with me?" He asked himself. "I should have beaten this midget already, and instead I'm barely hanging on."

He was breathing in an unusually heavy way, as if he had gotten out of shape all of a sudden. Having no idea of what was going on, he happened to look towards the others, where Chi-Chi and little Goten were.
"It must be that kid." He thought immediately. "Somehow he's managed to cast some kind of a spell on me or something. Not only can't I be around him without starting to feel all weird and stuff, but now this, too!" Piccolo couldn't help dramatizing the situation a little. Not that one could blame him, though. He'd never experienced anything similar before, and even if he wouldn't admit it, he was getting pretty freaked out.

He tried to concentrate on the battle with all his might, but it wasn't good enough. Even Krillin noticed his friend was having real trouble in keeping up with him and was not simply holding back as he had originally thought. Then, with just one strong kick in his lower abdomen, Piccolo was knocked out cold, and fell down on the ground exhausted and panting, his arms wrapped around himself. Krillin had never beaten Piccolo so easily before, in fact he had never actually beaten him until now. He was afraid he had hurt his friend badly and ran to him as soon as he realised what had happened.

"Are you okay, Piccolo?" He asked, holding him up slightly from his back.
"I... I don't know." Piccolo said, still panting and sweating. He felt dizzy and was fighting against a sudden wave of nausea.

"Humph." Vegeta said as he watched the suffering Namek. "Now I see why he didn't want to battle with me. But, losing to the puny cue ball? How embarrassing. I wonder if he has been watching TV all this time instead of training."
"Vegeta, how can you say that?" Bulma, his newly wed wife, asked. "Piccolo doesn't even own a TV, and you know as well as I do that his passion for training comes only second to yours, which by the way, is more closer to an obsession!" she ranted. "Besides, I think he's seriously hurt."
Before Vegeta had time to decline, Bulma showed Trunks in his arms and ran to Krillin and Piccolo, arriving only seconds after Tien, Yamcha and Gohan.

"Hey, what the heck happened to you there, man?" Yamcha asked.
"Yeah, looks you got knocked out really bad there, bud." Tien continued.
"Thanks... For pointing out... The obvious..." Piccolo said sarcastically.

"And by Krillin? Whoa, that's unheard of for anyone, let alone you." Yamcha blurted out.
"You do realize I'm right here, don't you?" Krillin asked rhetorically, being slightly annoyed.
"I think we should carry him inside." Bulma suggested.

"I'm... fine..." Piccolo insisted. The awkwardness of this situation was slowly dawning to him. Someone he should have been able to beat in a flash had just hit him in the ground and as if that wasn't bad enough, he was also injured in ways usually only the toughest of opponents left him in, and those were few and far between. He couldn't believe how this could have happened, and it was bothering him in the worst ways possible.

"I don't know, Piccolo." Gohan said. "You don't look too well to me."
"Gohan's right." Krillin agreed. "I've never seen you fall like that before. Either you're not feeling quite yourself now or I don't know my own power anymore, and I somehow don't believe that would be the case..." Krillin glared at the nervously giggling Yamcha.


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By holding his arms over their shoulders, Tien and Yamcha carried the reluctant Piccolo indoors and laid him on a bed. He still insisted on being just fine, but nobody took him for real.
The young Dende was among those who had witnessed everything and decided to take a look on Piccolo. Aside being a Namekian as well, he was the only one of them who actually knew something about Namekian physiology, medicine and stuff, and was also a healer. - Let alone, of course, his titled position as the current Guardian of the Earth, which gave him a lot more insight, power and authority than you'd expect from a pre-teen like him, even if an alien.

Dende asked everyone else to leave the room while he would examine Piccolo. But he didn't do this only in order to make it easier for him to work, but because he had a strong feeling there was something else going on than what met the eye, and he needed to know what it was.

"Mr. Piccolo..." Dende began. "Could you please tell me what really happened? What's wrong?"
"I already told you. I'm fine. Just a little tired is all." Piccolo claimed, his pride being hurt severely by the latest events. "Now, let me out of here."
"No, please, you have to stay. Look, I can sense there's something you aren't telling me."

Dende looked at Piccolo with a serious look on his face. With his psychic powers, even though not that major, Dende could have easily figured out what Piccolo wasn't telling him just by asking Kami, but didn't do so yet, out of respect for the other Namekian.
"You know I don't need you to tell me, but I think you would prefer telling me yourself."

Piccolo knew what Dende was aiming at and saw there was no way to get out of the situation. Frustrated, swallowing his pride, he left out a loud sigh.
"Fine. But you have to promise me not to tell the others."
Dende nodded. "I'm listening."

Piccolo turned away in embarrassment.
"It all started about a month ago. Or maybe even before that, I'm not entirely sure. I was training a lot and started feeling wearier than usual after each session. I thought it was simply because of the training. But maybe it wasn't."

He had a small break.
"Then, after that... kid was born, things went really bizarre."
"What do you mean?" Dende asked.
"The more time I spent around him, the more... Emotional... I started feeling. He does remind me of Goku, but I swear I don't miss the guy so much I felt like tearing up about it every time I saw that stupid kid of his!" Piccolo left out sigh and lifted his hand on his face.

"Please, go on." Dende said.
"And then all of those horrible smells appeared." Piccolo ranted.
"Smells?" Dende asked, confused.
"The baby smells! You know, the food, the clothes, the diapers... Everything!" Piccolo's face was turning orange at this point. "They're just unbearable!!"
"Please try to stay calm, Mr. Piccolo!" Dende pleaded, feeling slightly insecure around the stressed out older Namekian.

"What about during the battle?"
"The battle..." Piccolo began, covering his face in his hands. "At some point it simply just became harder and harder trying to keep my pace up, and then everything just went weird... I didn't feel like myself at all. Like someone was messing with my head, or something. I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything, really. My breathing had become unusually hard too, I was literally gasping for air in the end. And.. (he hated to admit this the most) I don't even remember Krillin knocking me out."
"You mean you passed out before he actually hit you?"
"I guess so." Piccolo said, still hiding his face in humiliation. "That's about it."
"I'm glad you told me." Dende said.

"So, what is it, Den? What's wrong with me?" Piccolo asked miserably the younger Namekian.
"I'm afraid I'm not certain just yet." Dende said, apologetically. "But I can take a look."
Piccolo lay on the bed as Dende put his hands on his chest and started scanning his body and soul.

After a few minutes, the expression on Dende's face changed drastically.
"Ohh..."
"Did you find something?" Piccolo asked.
"Hold on a minute." Dende said, and continued to scan whatever it was that he had found.


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It felt like forever for Piccolo, but finally Dende stopped. He had a little smile on his face.

"So, what is it? Is it serious?" Piccolo asked.
"You'll live." Dende said cheerfully. "I found nothing to be worried about."
"So..." Piccolo began. "Can you make the symptoms go away?"
"No, unfortunately not. But don't worry, you'll get rid of them fairly soon on your own."

Piccolo left out a huge sigh of relief.

"You'll just need to rest a lot from now on, and you will be as good as new." Dende said, smiling.

Suddenly they heard a loud crash and noticed that Bulma, Gohan, Krillin, Yamcha and Tien were lying on the floor. The door had opened suddenly as they had been trying to eavesdrop through it. Vegeta holding Trunks, Chi-Chi holding Goten and Chiaotzu were standing right behind them. Those lying on the floor were a bit embarrassed by giving away what they had been doing all this time like that.

"Eh, hi..." Krillin said.

"We were just..." Gohan continued.

"Worried about you. Yeah, that's right... Worried... Ehhehheh." Bulma finished laughing nervously.

"Well, you may stop worrying now, because Dende said I should be just fine in only a few days." Piccolo stated, annoyed by the intrusion.
"I'm so glad to hear that." Gohan said, and ran smiling right next to the bed Piccolo was lying on.
"So, Piccolo, what was the problem?" Krillin asked.
"Yeah." Bulma continued. "If it's nothing serious I'm sure you can tell us."

"Oh." Piccolo realized. "Dende didn't say yet."

"Well?" Gohan asked the mysteriously smiling healer.

"Oh, it's nothing, really. His body is just experiencing some changes. They're typical for any Namekian in his state."
"In his... what?" Krillin asked.

"What you mean?" Piccolo raised his voice, starting to sound a little nervous.
"What is he talking about?" Bulma asked.
"Dende?" Gohan asked, looking about as confused as everyone else, but Dende couldn't help his excited grin.

"Congratulations, Mr. Piccolo." He said grinning.
"What for? What's going on?!" Piccolo asked, now very nervous, with confusion and worry clear in his voice.

"Because, you are going to be a Father!"

"Be a... WHAT!?! NO!! Impossible!!" Piccolo shouted in shock.
"He's... WHAT!?!" Everyone else shouted.

"A Father?" Chi-Chi asked.
"Yes!" Dende confirmed, smiling happily. "He's going to have an egg!"


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"No way!" Krillin said.

"Piccolo's going to be... a Daddy?" Gohan didn't know what to think about.
"He's having an... egg?" Bulma asked, not being able to believe her ears.
"But... But... But how??" Piccolo stuttered nervously. His mind had almost completely shut down by this point, out of pure shock.
"An egg?" Tien said, with all of his three eyes as big as ever.
"Congrats, Mr. Piccolo!" Chiaotzu said happily.

"So... What is he, a female now?" Yamcha asked, confused.
"No, he's not a female. Namekians are sort of like hermaphrodites, as you call them." Dende cleared out.

"Ha! Seems like the big Namek needs to be more careful next time when he decides to have a little fun with his privates!" Vegeta said mockingly and was seemingly amused by Piccolo's discomfort.
"For your information, it's not like that at all!" Piccolo managed to spit out from his state of shock, his embarrassment being clear by the hue of purple on his cheeks and ears.
"He's right." Dende confirmed. "Namekian anatomy is very different to what of, let's say, a human or a Saiyan's. Our..."

"Alright, let's keep this conversation clean, shall we?" Chi-Chi stepped in, raising her voice, interrupting Dende.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Dende apologised. "In any case, Nameks form the eggs on their own in a special organ which situates roughly somewhere in between the chest and the stomach. As the egg grows, it slowly travels upwards until the day it's spat out of the parent's mouth."

"So, do you have some control over when you have the eggs or if you want to have them at all?" Krillin asked.
"Um, sort of. However, there are times when Namekians are more likely to produce eggs than on other times, and in some rare cases, given the right stimuli, it may occur spontaneously as well, like I believe happened in Mr. Piccolo's case."

"Are... Are you saying that I somehow subconsciously wanted this to happen?" Piccolo's voice shivered in disbelief.
Dende nodded. "I think something has made you wishing you had a family of your own. I don't see how else this could have happened." He said with a sheepish smile.

At this point Piccolo's mind had cleared enough to rationalize what had been said, as his shock and embarrassment started turning into visible frustration.

"But, I don't think it would have happened so suddenly had you not been exposed to so much of maternal hormones and visual aids." Dende stared at Chi-Chi and Goten. "That also explains why your symptoms have been so exaggerated."

"Huh? Symptoms?" Yamcha asked.

"Dende!!" Piccolo yelled, now furious. "This thing has gone far enough, I've never been so embarrassed and humiliated in my life!! It wasn't enough that I was scared to death that I might have become terminally ill, but then, completely out of the blue, you announce in front of everyone that I have a baby on the way, which I -by the way- most definitely never planned on having; and without even telling me first and continue embarrassing me further by discussing my private matters that are none of anyone's business!!"

"But, Piccolo..." Bulma started, but wasn't able to finish.
"All right, that's it! I want everyone out of this room, this instant!" Piccolo yelled.

"But..." Gohan tried.
"NOW!!" Piccolo ordered, yelling even louder than before.

"Sheesh, talk about a temper!" Krillin said, while leaving the room.
"The maternal hormones must be messing up his head." Yamcha noted, displeased.
Inside the room, Piccolo covered his face with his hand and was breathing heavily. Dende was the last one to leave the room, but before he closed the door, Piccolo asked him something.

"Dende? How long do you think I have before it... comes out?"
"It's hard to say specifically, but maybe about a week, give or take a few days."
Piccolo left out a loud sigh his face still buried in his hands. "My life is over..."
The sad-looking Dende closed the door and left.

After a few minutes of sulking, a small grin started forming on Piccolo's lips, slowly developing into a silent chuckle at first and then bursting out to a loud, endless laughter. With tears in his eyes, Piccolo yelled out loud: "I'm going to be a Dad! I'm going to have a SON !!"
The others in the next room heard almost everything.

"Alright, now he's totally lost it..." Yamcha said.
"No kidding..." Krillin agreed, as they all continued listening to the Father-to-be yell out his declaration in a mixture of tears and laughter.